Cos neither one is made of cheese
by abbcat1123
Summary: "Why is a raven like a writing desk" asked the girl inbetween laughs. "Nobody knows the answer to that, trust me, I would know" answered Hatter. Rated T for murder and spychotic breakdowns. Oneshot unless you want more.


'Cos neither is made of cheese.

* * *

It had started so many days ago. She couldn't remember how many days ago it had started, but it had passed in such a whirl that it was ridiculous. She had been kidnapped at the beginning of this "adventure" with her mother, Alice, she had found out that, not only was wonderland real, but it was totally screwed up, found out that her father was the mad hatter, jumped off of a cliff into a lake because she was being chased by suites who were under the rule of the king of hearts, her moms ex, and then she had cracked and killed the assassin, mad march. The poor girl was now sitting on her grandmother's couch in the world she was raised in, watching her mother try to explain the entire thing to her grandmother.

"Mom, you remember David, the construction worker, right?" asked Alice as she paced back and forth. Hatter was standing behind her, dressed in his leather jacket and trademark hat.

"Yes" replied Carol cautiously. "How did you find him again?"

"You see he isn't really from this world, he's from wonderland, and his name is Hatter" explained Alice in a rush. Her mother just stared at her. "We, Hannah and I, went back and found out that Jack Chase, you remember him, he turned out to be the son of the queen of hearts, had gone mad with power" Alice stopped again in order to let her mother process this.

The aforementioned girl started when she heard her name mentioned. She started to giggle hysterically. "Why is a raven like a writing desk?" Hannah asked in between laughs.

"Well if there was any doubt before it's gone now" said hatter, an amused smirk playing across his lips.

"Doubt to what?" asked Carol.

Hatter walked over to Hannah, "There's no answer to that riddle sweetheart, believe me, I would know."

Seeing the man crouched down next to her granddaughter, explaining the riddle to her lovingly, made something click in her mind. "Oh my God, Alice, why didn't you tell me who Hannah's father was?"

"Because he was gone" answered Alice quietly.

Their heads turned towards Hannah when she began to laugh again. She was holding her right fist in front of her face, her eyes were as wide as saucers, and tears had begun to stream down her face. "No blood" whispered Hannah quietly. "No blood!" she yelled. The girl was sobbing more than laughing now.

"What is she going on about?" asked Carol frantically.

"I killed the hare and there's no blood, only wires. So many wires" Hannah had gone quiet again and her face was deathly pale.

"Mad March" muttered Hatter as he moved so that he was sitting on the couch next to Hannah.

Alice nodded, moving to the couch with her daughter also. She turned her head to Carol and began to explain, "Mad March is the equivalent of the March Hare, except he was an assassin. He had knocked Hatter out and threatened me. Hannah managed to corner him somehow and she sort of went off the deep end. She kept saying things like, 'If I hit him, will he break?' But she didn't hit him. He called her weak and she completely snapped. She smashed his face and began to pull out any wires that she could reach."

"Wires?" Carol was doing a lot of asking tonight.

"Marchy lost his head to the Queen of Hearts. When she wanted him back they replaced it with a cookie jar" answered Hatter smiling brightly.

"You are all completely insane" replied Carol slowly, enunciating every syllable.

Hatter ignored the comment and turned his attention to his daughter. He tried to pull her into a comforting hug, but she jumped up and shrieked, "Don't touch me!" The distraught girl ran over to a corner, curled up in a ball, and started to sing "Twinkle, twinkle, little bat."

"I don't know what to do" sighed Alice as she put her hands over her face.

Hatter snapped his fingers and jumped up, "I do!" he exclaimed happily. He walked over to Hannah, crouched down, and said, "A Raven is like a writing desk 'cos neither one is made of cheese."

Hannah looked up at him, the tears stopped and a genuine grin cracked across her face. She looked eerily like a Cheshire cat. "That makes sense" she said as though she had never had a psychotic breakdown.

Alice looked at Hatter in disbelief as their daughter quickly turned back into a smiling thirteen-year-old. "How?" she asked simply.

"She's definitely my daughter" he replied, tapping his temple as if he had some sort of hidden wisdom.

* * *

Ok, so. That was wierd. I sort of liked the ideo of having Hatter go back to wonderland before he found out he had a kid, so this happened. If you want to write about what happened from beginning to end then you'll have to leave a review saying so. Cookies to those who review!


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